Grieving is a Sacred Act
Grief never truly leaves us and we don't need it to.
Grief is a sacred journey. It’s one that never ends, and one that we all wish we didn’t have to take, and one that is an inevitable part of life. It is a powerful force that shapes the landscape of our lives and illuminates our humanity. Just as much as grief can be a powerful pain and suffering, it is also profoundly rooted in love. Grief is an enduring bond that connects us to those we cherish.
While grief is transformational, it is not always easy. Navigating grief will never be linear. Some days grief shows up like an old friend, other it passes through like a storm. It is a sacred and tender terrain we navigate. It’s a powerful passage through longing and sorrow, and beneath its turbulence is love that transcends time and space. Embracing grief is allowing ourselves to bear witness to the depth of our connection, honoring the memories and richness of shared experiences with someone we love. It’s a tribute to them, and in that sacred space we honor their legacy and weave our memories of them into the fabric of our being.
Many cultures have prescribed rituals of grief that allow for gathering, collective mourning, community support, and exploring the various beliefs humans hold about what happens when we die. For many of us, this socially allotted time is not enough to get through the hardest parts of our grief. It soon can become an isolating, disconnecting experience. While grief is deeply personal, it is not meant to be felt once and it is not meant to be carried alone. We need strategies to provide solace and support throughout our grieving process.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the fully spectrum of emotions that arise along with grief. You don’t have to idolize anyone in death – you are allowed to feel anger, hatred, or regret toward your deceased loved one. You’re allowed to feel any emotion, even joy and gratitude. Embrace emotions with compassion and curiosity, knowing that each emotion is a valid expression of your love and loss.
Create a Sacred Space: Even without religious or spiritual beliefs, creating a space in your home or outdoor space where you can honor your loved one’s memory is a powerful way to acknowledge them and your memories you’ve shared. This space can help serve as a kind of container for your grief as you need it, and can become deeply comforting. Put up photos, plant a special garden, create a space you know they would have loved to share with you.
Create Rituals of Remembrance: Engage in rituals that honor your loved one’s life and legacy. Some chose the light candles, create scrap books, or plant a tree in their memory. I have a plant that I keep alive because it reminds me of my paternal grandfather. I also have a poem I found in my maternal grandfather’s possessions that is now framed in my office. Each time I see the poem or water my plant, I’m reminded of them. It’s a small ritual that helps me stay connected to them.
Seek Support: Lean on family, friends, and others the navigate the challenges of grief. Sharing your experiences, continuing to explore your emotions, and relying on others who understand provides validation and comfort during difficult times.
Nurture Self Compassion: Be so gentle with yourself. Grief is not linear. There are ups and downs (and lefts and rights and backwards and forwards). Remember to care for yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.
Honor Milestones and Anniversaries: Acknowledge significant dates associated with your loved one, including birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays. Create traditions or rituals that allow you to commemorate these occasions and celebrate their life in meaningful ways.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you are struggling to cope, or are experiencing prolonged symptoms of depression or anxiety, or are experiencing thoughts of taking your own life, seek support from a licensed therapist or counselor who specializes in grief counseling. They will be able to help you navigate these challenges and create ways of coping that are healthy and meaningful to you personally.
There’s just no such thing as a good death. All of us who are left behind are left in a world that is fundamentally and irrevocably changed. That person, the relationship we had with them, cannot be restored. No other relationship we have can fill the void of the one we lose when someone dies. In grief, we honor that loss. The experiences we had with the person who is gone have shaped us in big ways and small. Grief reminds us of their importance to us. We carry our memories of them with us, and the act of love we show them now is by not forgetting them.